Thursday, March 6, 2014

Embarrassing Stuff My Mom Does

You guys, my mom has been successfully embarrassing me since I was a pre-teen.  Everyone said it would get better as I got older, but it hasn't!  My siblings can attest to this, as she humiliates them, too.  Some of the stuff she does is cringe-worthy, some of it is funny, and a few things are combination of the two.

* My mom thinks she is some sort of bird-whisperer.  My parents received a bird feeder as a gift from the woman that cleans their house, and my dad is obsessed with it.  Admittedly, it is kind of cool because it attracts some really beautiful birds like cardinals and woodpeckers.  The door was open and one of the birds made a unique tweeting sound (as birds tend to do), and my mom looked at me in all seriousness and said,"Oh, did you hear that sound?  I taught the bird that.  We tweet and whistle back and forth all day."  Okay, Mom.  When I told my sister that, she told me how she took my mom to a park in North Carolina that had a bunch of geese, ducks, and other birds.  My sis said, "Lisa, Mom started going, "HONK! HONK! QUACK! CAW!" and making all of these other weird noises really loudly!  Everyone was starting to look at us and I begged her to stop and she just said,"What?  I'm having a conversation with them!"  My mom has done her bird-whispering thing with me in public before, too.

The most embarrassing thing she did involving birds was to my poor dad, though.  Since my dad is retired, one of his favorite things to do is to go sit out on the patio and watch what birds stop on by.  One day he was sitting out there, and one of the teenage girls that lives in our neighborhood happened to walk past.  My mom was standing in the kitchen and whistled (only it was totally a cat-call!!).  The girl looked up at my dad and gave him a nasty look.  She thought he did it!  Hahaha!

Note to self: Do not bring mother on public outings where there may be many birds present.

* She sends out family updates in her yearly Christmas cards that are completely inaccurate.    One year she wrote that I was working hard towards achieving my life's dream which was to go teach in Japan.  When I found out from my friend that she had written that to hundreds of people, I confronted my mom and asked her why she would write that because I never once said that!!  Then she confessed, "Yeah, I was thinking about that and realized that you taught in Korea and I just confused the two."  What!?!?  How can you just confuse the two?  I taught in Korea for three years, and can't believe she would think Korea and Japan were the same country.  Plus, I don't know why she would write that it was my dream to go out and do that when I had just returned from teaching in Korea.  She also wrote all this stuff about my sister's instructor position at a university that was wrong, and one year she left my sister out of the family Christmas picture that she sent to everyone!  I don't understand her reasoning for that, especially because both of my sisters got married that year and there were plenty of great family photos that included everyone.  Oh, and another year she picked a picture that I was BLINKING in to send to everyone.  Whyyy?

Note to self: Screen Christmas newsletter that she writes as well as the family photo she picks.

* My mom went up to my ex-boyfriend's dad like 6 months after we had broken up and started lecturing him about how his son broke my heart, I still wasn't the same, etc.  My cheeks are still red from this one...I never told my mom any real details about why we had broken up--I just told her that we had.  Then, I went overseas to teach in Korea and never discussed my ex with my mom.  I didn't discuss much of anything with her because we weren't able to even talk on the phone very frequently.  I don't know what possessed her to go and do that...like my ex's dad had anything to do with our relationship!  The worst was that my ex's dad told my ex all about it and then HE messaged me.  At least it was to tell me he knew that my mom says things that aren't true and he didn't think I was still sobbing over him a half a year later.

Note to self: Warn all friends and love interests about my mom's antics ahead of time.

* My mom went up to a table full of girls at a wedding and said (loudly), "Oh, were you the three that slept with me last night?"  The whole table chuckled at that. My sister had invited three of her friend's bridesmaids to stay at our house so they wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.  At least everyone knew better than to take my mom literally on that one!

Note to self: Explain to mother how that sounded so that she does not repeat that mistake again.

Even though she makes me uncomfortable sometimes, my mom definitely keeps things interesting!



What have your parents done to embarrass you?

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28 comments:

  1. Sounds a bit like my mom lol My mom can be socially awkward so every time we are going out or going away with her I have to explain that she has to behave. Sometimes she does things that embarrass us as well...we actually call her PM aka public menace lol!

    -Erica

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    1. HAHA PM! That's hilarious! Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one that struggles with a mom who doesn't always behave.

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  2. Aww your mom sounds like fun!! :) Enjoy that your mom is so funny :) Thank you for sharing!

    http://neatly-packaged.blogspot.com/

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    1. She is funny and can be fun, but sometimes it is just annoying!

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  3. The year after the year my parents got divorced my mom sent a Christmas letter explaining the prior year's lack of a Christmas letter explaining how my dad had left her and blah, blah, blah. Way TMI in my opinion.

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    1. Oh yeah, I agree--I wouldn't get into all of that in a Christmas letter.

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  4. Hahaha. My mom does some pretty cringe-worthy stuff, but at this point I've sort of learned to shrug it off and let her be crazy. I can totally identify with the misinformation thing... she gives distant relatives "updates" about my life that in no way represent reality. I have no idea how she even comes up with some of it. The funniest was when I was in college - I was attending a state university located in Chicago, and she was telling people I attended The University of Chicago (NOT the same school) because she couldn't remember which school I actually went to, haha! And when I graduated she threw me a party and told all the relatives to get orange and blue balloons because those were my school colors (they weren't, nor had we ever discussed school colors because I didn't care about stuff like that).

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    1. Omg, this comment made me laugh my butt off! How did she not get that you did not go to The University of Chicago?? The same mistake happened with someone I knew, but I guess he went with it and acted like he went there for the longest time until someone caught a glimpse of his diploma which they put on display at the school we worked at.

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  5. Literally the absolute best thing I have read all day. You are so funny!!!!

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    1. I'm glad you liked it...I could make a series out of this because my mom is always embarrassing me!

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  6. hahaha! I love the story about the birds. My mom does really embarrassing things all time but I've just learned to look past it.

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    1. I wish I could do the same--I just can't! If she came with a warning label maybe I could.

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  7. Ha! I used to be embarrassed by my mom, I think I have chilled and just let her be now. The one thing I do not love is when she calls my name really loud like when we are shopping or out in the world. the whole world does not need to know who I am.

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    1. My mom also does the name calling thing! I'm like, "Tone it down, mom!!"

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  8. OMG This is the best post of the day! Literally dying over here. Moms are crazy embarrassing!

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    1. Hahaha...I'm glad you can relate! What does your mom do?

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  9. hahahah this is awesome.

    when i used to bring boys home, my mom would legit stand right in front of us and say the most awful things in chinese about them. but because they didn't understand, they'd be standing there with a giant smile plastered across their face thinking that she's just talking/saying nice things. why is his nose so big? he's so ugly. he looks dirty - doesn't he shower?? she'd say shit like that and i would try SO HARD not to laugh my ass off but at the same time, trying to pretend that she wasn't straight-up dissing him in his face! hahahahaha

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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    1. That's too funny especially because those guys thought she was complimenting them! If they only knew... You must have a pretty good poker face if they never caught on!

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  10. I love this! Haha too funny! Or what she thought about a former boss of ours :)

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    1. Could you imagine if she had asked him, "Oh, are you Lisa's gay friend that she talks so much about?" HA!

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  11. Ohmygoodness...lol! Some of these are pretty funny! That ex one though... I don't know about that. At least he knew better than to believe her.

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    1. I know!! She acted like I was sobbing over him a half a year later! The most awkward thing about it was that she was buying pizza off of him in his shop and that's when she brought it up.

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  12. omg haha thanks for the laugh.

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    1. You're welcome! I'm glad you thought it was funny. :)

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  13. This was fantastic! Oh mothers...

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    1. Thanks! I hope I don't ever embarrass my future children like this. I'm sure I will once in awhile, but hopefully not on a regular (and guaranteed) basis.

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  14. Hee hee hee! Your mom takes the cake for embarrassing bird lady! My mother is famous for wearing old 80s outfits to dressy events because she thinks they're pretty--despite my sister and I telling her repeatedly that shoulder pads are DEAD.

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    1. Oh gosh, that would be pretty bad!! My mom still wears shoulder pads in some of her stuff, too!!

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